She stood with me in the crystal
rain, giggling as we hid how we
waited for each other. She was
all that I wanted. Finally, I got
my chance as we traded blue kisses
that still radiated their warmth.

Mammoth was becoming my second
home. It had seasons unlike back here
in Laguna. The three of us would compete
over catching the biggest fish in spring, while
Sean and Dennis pelted me with ice that winter.
Mom lost it when she saw my cut up face.

My brother and I finally had control.
He was in the driver’s seat, making me
the co-pilot. On the way to school
he showed me my first real taste of music.
I was in punk rock bliss.

She tried to end her life. I did
what I could to stop her, blurting
out that I loved her. It wasn’t true
but her life mattered more than
my adolescent principles.
We didn’t talk for years.

I agreed to go with mother that Halloween,
following my brother’s decision.
It seemed like the greatest idea, eating candy
and watching movies all night long.
Children have no concept of the world
of consequences when you grow up.

Dad got married again. When he told
us of the proposal, we sat in shock.
Objections and betrayal filled
every part of my mind, but I could
not speak. I was dying to, but
I could not.